asking the obvious about holy Christian singleness

1) Sexual attraction is part of Christian marriage. 2) Sexual attraction outside a marriage relationship is a sin. #1 and #2 are widely held to be true.

BUT where does that leave people who are Christian and unmarried? According to #2, he or she is forbidden to experience sexual attraction. According to #1, he or she probably shouldn't marry if the component of sexual attraction is absent. So how could an unmarried Christian pursue holiness and marriage simultaneously? It's a serious question. Some say, "Single man, keep your mind entirely pure, flee from the experience of sexual attraction, treat all women as kindred souls." Some say, "Single man, keep on the lookout for a woman who excites you, and after finding her you should embrace your sexual attraction by wooing her with amorous aggressiveness yet with total chasteness." Some say, "Crucify the flesh and devote your whole soul to the thought of eternal matters." Some say, "Follow your natural inclination to go forth, devote your body to a spouse, and produce offspring before you die."

Constantly instructing unmarried Christians of sexual maturity to see everyone they meet as non-sexual beings, and then acting surprised when they fail to act like sexual beings (by dating and eventually forming marriages), is extremely absurd, don't you think? Think of it this way. If looking at a particular person leads to sinful thoughts, why wouldn't an unmarried Christian cope by immediately averting eyes and thoughts? And when he or she takes the holy course of action by urgently running away from such carnal temptation, how exactly can that person also go on dates? How is someone to reconcile the two pieces of advice, "Don't even think of someone as a potential sexual partner" and "Go find someone in the church and start a family"? How can it possibly work?

This is not in any way a hypothetical concern. It's a deeply practical matter that deserves due consideration and very specific answers. Concrete answers that are likely uncomfortable to discuss. Where's the dividing line? Because some forms of sexual attraction between the unmarried are quite necessary for reproductive marriages to be the result, what distinguishes those forms from sinful sexual attraction? Conflicting directions aren't helpful! Generalizations aren't doable!

I am Christian. I am human. I am unmarried. How should someone in all three categories act? The reply, "Be less conscientious about holiness until you're married", is ludicrous, but so is the reply, "Be vigilant in guarding your mind and therefore never marry."