eligibility and spiritual growth

By "eligibility" I mean romantic eligibility. I apologize upfront to readers who aren't interested in the topic, but it's where my thoughts have drifted. Whether stated plainly or not, Christians have suggested that "spiritual growth", i.e. advancing in Christian practices and virtues, increases eligibility. When a devotee loves and pursues God, they're more eligible.

That is ludicrous.

Countless counterexamples are everywhere. The biblical support for this assumption is ambiguous too, especially since the present idea of eligibility isn't applicable to the cultures described, which often treat marriage as a practical matter. Although it certainly can be true that devoted Christians are also quite eligible, it's a blatant mistake to make a general principle out of those fortunate cases.

On the other hand, despite the distinction between the two, spiritual growth can still act as a beneficial support for eligibility. Some vices are repulsive, like cruelty or cheating or gluttony. If eligibility is a continuum, then obvious wickedness places an individual toward the low end. It's uncontroversial among Christians to conclude that a functional relationship with God is more likely to coincide with functional relationships with others. God favors peace and truth in human interactions.

Hence I'll concede that a minimum of spiritual attainment is more or less a requirement for eligibility, just as it's a requirement for fruitful participation in society. But to return to my main point, beyond that minimum, spiritual growth isn't the same as greater eligibility. This observation applies as much to Christians as to unbelievers. Christians value spiritual growth more than unbelievers, and they encourage and applaud it. But their measurements of eligibility are mostly identical. Vibrant Christianity, springing up in disciples like living water, should cause an eligible Christian to be noticeably different from an eligible unbeliever. However, the characteristics that identify the Christian as "eligible" are exactly like those that identify the unbeliever as "eligible".

I don't need to list all these well-known traits of eligibility, but some of the more widespread ones are power, status, appearance, prosperity, personality, talent, intelligence. Christians are being highly misleading when they talk as if spiritual growth necessarily improves the ratings of these traits. I'm sure they have good intentions as they offer this wrong advice. "Get closer to God, and those of the opposite sex will want to join you on that journey." Given my past entries here, my expressed opinion is that spiritual growth is worthwhile regardless of any side-effects, so I could never say that it's detrimental advice. But if the aim is eligibility, its insufficiency is glaring.

Pity the earnest gullible Christians who believe it. What pleases God may simply not be enough to please humanity. The traits of eligibility are not the fruits of the Spirit. A godly soul is wonderful to behold, but it's extremely easy to overlook when it's combined with deficiencies in the traits. People are capable of appreciating subtle virtues. Nevertheless, they frequently won't pay attention unless they're enticed. If I may be blunt (said the anonymous writer), depending on the Christian, fashion tips might be much more productive, for the sake of eligibility, than reading Bible chapters.

It helps nobody to maintain the artifice that eligibility is radically distinct for Christians. Christians of the opposite sex are on the lookout for many of the same traits as unbelievers. We should stop pretending otherwise.

Christian gender laws?

I mentioned the few misguided Christians who rely lazily on their gender as an excuse to indulge in preferred sins or to refuse actions they dislike. But another problem could arise: treating strong distinctions of gender behavior like Christian laws. This practice falls into the general category of mistaking cultural norms for divine norms. It might be expressed, "You can't be a good Christian [woman,man] unless you act like _____."

As I mentioned in the other entry, some cultural gender stereotypes are quite compatible with the life of a devotee...but some aren't, at least when carried to extremes. (I don't necessarily mean extreme in comparison to the standards of the culture itself, which as a whole could be off-kilter.) Moreover, restrictive ideas, interpreted as essential Christian commands, have a terrible side-effect of exclusion from the church gathering. Regardless of whether congregants don't consider it "sinful" to violate unstated gender expectations, social disapproval still communicates the violator's unworthiness.

It may be uncomfortable that people don't always fit in tidy gender-defined boxes. But nobody who calls themselves "Christian" has the right to claim that God made a mistake when He fashioned an unconventional individual.

one of the worst parodies of Christianity...

...is harassment of sinners. But of course it's fine to have calm, respectful conversation about another person's wrong choices, especially after forming a relationship of trust. Harangues at sinful "targets" are obviously far less effective at communicating the love of God or restoring that person's connection to Him.

Our calling is not to make sinners miserable.

human nature sampling error

If you think that all people are terrible scoundrels with the worst intentions, or that all people have good intentions underneath, or that all people are born innocent, or that all people are born with nothing but selfishness...then you need to meet more people. "Natural" behavior has a huge range which thwarts a right statistical sample. The depths are lower than expected and the heights are higher than expected. Since it's impossible for us to meet everyone, too often we fall into the trap of assuming that the much smaller group whom we've met is a good representation of the whole. This is a vital reason why a protected (but not necessarily isolated) upbringing helps to cultivate the willingness to believe the "best" about everyone until proven otherwise; rough defensive survival leads to the habit of perceiving threats all around.

The doctrine of Christianity is that human nature is fallen. We cannot create a paradise for ourselves, not even when we start with an extremely selective subgroup (Puritans?). But we retain our former glory to varying degrees. Either the inherent good or the inherent bad is exaggerated over time. In any case, the good isn't good enough. Regardless of someone's human nature in comparison with the rest of the populace, supernatural change is the prescription. Our limited samples of humanity tend to be incomplete evidence about the truth of human nature in one way or another, but God is not fooled.

the gender excuse

I'm stunned by the variety of excuses for sin. Yes, that includes my own. Previously I mentioned the tendency to blame "virtues" for excesses of some kind. For instance, " 'Exhortation' is my specialty. Regardless of whether my words hit people like wrecking balls, I'm not doing anything wrong." 

Another category of excuse is gender. These excuses take the general form, "I realize that an attitude or action is sinful in some way, but it exemplifies my gender. Do you honestly expect me to deny my gender differences?" This is akin to entangling a sense of identity with sin, following to an extreme the sometimes misguided advice to "be yourself".

I opine that God doesn't want gender to disappear (although it's an intriguing question about our future heavenly bodies). I'd say that part of what the surrounding culture calls "masculine" or "feminine" is praiseworthy, but not every part. As Christian devotees called to a spiritual life, we will be inevitably countercultural. We should pursue right attitudes and actions and not fear narrow classifications of masculine or feminine, which are assigned by the flawed ideas of our culture. It may not be comfortable. It may not be conventional. 

But we cannot misuse gender to choose which sins to prefer, including sins of omission. The fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 aren't gender-specific. Christians cannot place either too much or too little emphasis on each. It's pitiful to claim, "I can't be like that. I'm too [masculine,feminine]." Faithful disciples continue to have genders, but they don't continue to have the same sins. 

conversation about Jesus is not equivalent to church

Imagine a group of people who meet at an informal location and converse about Jesus for a while. They refer to the Bible, share their opinions, engage in gentle debate, and so on. Was that church? More to the point, are they therefore part of The Church? Is that activity a full alternative to the typical church service, which might be off-putting to some of the conversationalists? Is a Bible Book Club enough?

It seems to me that conversation about Jesus is surely something that Christians should do, and frequently, with or without unbelievers. But regardless of their feelings toward traditional church, wouldn't any devotee admit that a victorious Christian life is much more? And wouldn't they further admit that a group of Christians, by combining efforts and wisdom, is more effective than an individual Christian?

I don't mean that it's a "bad" idea to gather to discuss the finer points of Christendom. I mean that those discussions aren't the entire reason for churches to exist. Sermons are increasingly easy to find and obtain (check a podcast directory online). In contrast, church membership also includes discipleship, giving, service, confession, correction, among other group interactions. If salvation is thinking the right thoughts, then aimless talking could be enough. If salvation is a radical transformation from the inside out, proceeding from an infectious Holy Spirit, then a church of the saved is people spurring one another on to love and good deeds.

We shouldn't try to avoid hypocrisy by doing nothing. We shouldn't try to avoid legalistic unmerciful judgments by ignoring the concept of sin. We shouldn't try to avoid preachiness by never saying we have the truth. We shouldn't try to avoid doctrinal controversies by throwing out sacraments. And finally, we shouldn't try to avoid scaring people with Hell by pretending salvation in this life doesn't matter.

abnormal

I got around to completing my tax return today. At the end TurboTax checked for risk factors for an IRS audit. It found one; it reported it as "Your amount of charitable contributions is abnormally high for your income level."

Of course it is! Why would someone who claims to be a Christian devotee expect any other outcome? According to this link,  the average amount claimed is about 3% of income. If you're going against the grain of materialism by living strictly within your means, and giving is in your budget, then surpassing 3% isn't difficult at all. We the grateful, who continually receive merciful divine forgiveness and grace, should be the pacesetters for distributing our blessings to the needy.